Hi guys.

It's been 4 years since the last post. We've inevitably followed our separate paths in life. I don't know how I feel about squad nowadays, but I do know that whatever remains of the memories I have, it's enough to give me nostalgia.

Whatever it is, thank you for having once been in my life.

loads of love,

- JY

The last time I came here, I stumbled upon here because of AGM/some JNCO tee thing, and today, I stumble across this place again cause I randomly clicked on something on my blogger home page.

Wow, reading through the posts was an eye-opener of sorts. I forgot how much we used to hug and cry together, and how intense our love was.

50th anniversary just passed and I'm glad that we had a table full of representatives! Our squad has always been so practical - "walao why must pay $20 siao ah we go outside have a good meal la" but HAHA I mean ok la as I attended 50th with a third of you guys, I think I understood the importance of having a table of our own. It shows that we existed/our presence, and in some ways it's also more for our juniors and seniors to see that we still exist together (also taking into consideration that some of our seniors really did love us and poured countless hours and love into us too).

I still love you guys, I tell some of my uni friends that I miss you guys so much and talk about how stupid we all are/were with a silly smile on my face. And our love has evolved, but more importantly, you guys are not only squadmates, we're still friends too.

And it's weird, because we used to say squadmates are a special category of friends, which I still very much agree with. But I'm so happy that more than what we were together in a CCA, we have showed that we have withstood the test of time and the raw intensity of emotions we've had for each other, and enjoy each other's company as friends. Squadmates are a special category of friends; what's most important though, is that "squadmates" shouldn't ever be a word of the past.

I'll always be thankful that you guys exist in my life.

Oh mans, dem feels.

The first thing I saw when I logged into Blogspot was the new post by Sim. What was supposed to be a session searching for COE Cat A closing prices (don't ask) became an emotional session of re-reading previous posts. Just saying, don't try to do this in the school library because all people will see when they look over is a crazy person trying to covertly hide the laughter and tears staring at the computer screen. In any case, I wonder if it is a case of growing old, you know when you start to recall the fond memories of the past. In 2015, most of us if not all will turn two decades older and wiser with new experiences we have be it in Uni or NS. Time passes, but memories stay.

7 years ago, a bunch of fresh faced Year 1s entered DHSJAB. Some came in voluntarily. Majority didn't (I was the majority). 4 years later, some stayed on voluntarily, majority left.. But the memories from that 4 years as a cadet in SJAB will stay forever. More memories will be created as a squad in time to come. I think the concept is becoming fuzzy over time, especially for people like myself who isn't that in-tuned with the "Uniformed Group" concept. All I know is that we will be a family forever. Albeit a rather retarded set of family but a close-knit family nonetheless.

Ok need to get back to researching on COEs now :'( Love ya lots!

I stumbled upon here today, because I wanted to look for JNCO t-shirt design for AGM on Saturday.

It's going to be the first time I'm attending AGM alone from our batch, and that makes me kinda sad, because no matter how much SJ made me stay for SJ, in the end, you all were still my first love.

Life in uni, conversations and friendships have ignited the Feels within me, and I just want to say that no matter how far we drift, I will always try to keep and remember the love we once had, because that's what kept us going in dark, shitty times.

I was also looking through POP notes during CNY Day 1; reading the support from all of you made me feel loved.

Thank you for your love and support. We're not the same, but hey, who ever is?

I'd still boldly and proudly say, I love all of you still, in my own way. And I selfishly hope you do too :)

HELLO squad. Wanted to post this yesterday but there was a problem with blogger ): I was looking through our old posts and just felt like posting here haha. Idk who will see this, but if you do, please go and look at some of those posts too! If you are free! And maybe leave a tag on the tag board haha. It doesn't really matter if nobody still comes to use this outdated form of communication, since we have whatsapp and whatever, but it's still nice to come back seeking the (good old) memories recorded in this place, and whatever emotions these memories bring :)

Anyway, there was a time when some of us (me included hehe) would post here just to say 'HI SQUAD I LOVE YOU YAY' Haha but we were passionate little junior high kids with overflowing love for each other and no better way to express this love. Those were times when we believed in squad, and in a force that keeps people together no matter what, if the love and friendship was strong enough. And we, or at least I, believed that such was our love and friendship, that it was enough to withstand the test of time and whatever else we might face. I actually believed in the superiority of our squad haha. Compared to other CCAs, and other squads oops. And, you know, we were pretty special. :) Being glued to our computers by a group chat of 10 plus people on msn was one thing, and meeting up with the same amount of people every other day to do serious stuff then waste time together was another. I used to feel very upset whenever I missed a single squad lunch or KLP outing you know.

And, we are still special. We were never going to stay as together as we once were, but maybe nobody could ever do that. Maybe it's only a human thing to be worn out by the tests of time and distance. It must be only human that memories fade and bonds weaken. But we did make promises to each other to always stay together, and we meant what we said. Maybe memories fade, but they will always be there in our minds no matter how blurry they might get years down the road and nothing will change the fact that something had once happened before. Maybe bonds will weaken, but never break.

I think what I'm driving at is... No matter what, the fact remains that squad happened to us and even if SJ and school days are long over and will never be again, each of us will always carry a piece of squad wherever we go, because one does not simply forget after experiencing something so special. And, as long as we still remember each other, still have meet ups and outings, still look back sometimes at our SJ times (fondly??) and smile- or cry- at the memories brought into mind by a squad photo, we will always exist as one squad one spirit. And I will always be glad that I met you guys, and that we spent so much time together when we could, and that we created and will still continue to create so many beautiful memories together. :)

So... All the best everyone! In uni and NS and everything else :D and happy 1st of June! It's our 3 year anniversary squad :)

Miss you all too :(

Hello squad how are you!!!

Some faded memories, emotions from the past:





















How do you explain a loss that is this great?

It's been two years and a month or so. I miss you -- every one of you, even those I see often. Some things have changed, many have stayed the same. But regardless of whether you have taken a break or stayed, I still love every single one of you.

Happy 2nd anniversary, squad!
May our years ahead be even better.

HELLO. THIS POST WILL BE THE ONLY REMAINDER OF MY BLOG. I AM DELETING IT. AND THIS IS ITS GIFT TO ALL OF YOU LOVELIES. MY POP POST <3 love="love" nbsp="nbsp" p="p" yall.="yall.">


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We're done, I mean- One Squad One Spirit no longer exists as a squad in SJ, we're a spirit in DHSJAB as of yesterday. Or maybe after our march past. But to the 29 of us, we'll always be a squad. I think it's weird. I don't really know how to begin, I think I'll talk about everyone else first then proceed to squad which I think will result in a lot of incoherence and tears and then depression, then I'll stop suddenly because I'm not quite sure of how to continue. Finally, I'll end the abrupt post with a quote which I think makes a lot of sense. Just a brief synopsis, just saying.


Standard Ones:

I actually have no idea why I'm writing for you all because I don't anyone will read this (also because I don't know you all very well, despite a lot of you guys adding me on fb). Let's just say that the past ALC has been interesting, knowing the new seeds of Hera Banana, has been interesting. Goodluck and definitely have fun in SJ, especially with your new batch of intrustors and for Hera kias, have fun in Hera :)


Standard Twos:
Again, I don't really know your squad ._. Always enclosed in my own social bubble haha. But anyway, MA'AM YIHFANG'S AND SMC 2's BAO BEIs- your next stop is you know what camp. Trust me to say that you guys will make it through with a big bang- no squad ever exits out of that camp the same. My squad sure didn't. Goodluck with your new instructors and really do enjoy your Year 2 life especially in SJ :) It's going to be your turn very soon to take up IDT and everything else so yeah. Yup. Okay.


Standard Threes:
Hello my ex-cadets. I bet no one will read this :D So I can say all I want to say HEHE. Okay, got people start calling me 'Vivien' already. -.- okay loh hahaha, just kidding. You guys are definitely a different bunch of cadets- you all are so different from my squads and perhaps the few squads before Std 4s 2011. It was a fruitful journey taking you all through JNCO, and through all the RTs- having feeling all of you all roll your eyes at SMC 3 when we hair-dryer you. Hair-dryer, new lingo for instructors. There were many things that I wanted to say to all of you, but I'm very naggy I know. haha so I didn't get to say or do a lot of things I wanted to 'experiment' with your squad. Yup, I may not be the best instructor and what I say probably won't make a very big impact on you guys but I really hope I left some kind of legacy in you guys. I don't know, maybe I did, most probably I didn't. But honestly, thank you for planning such a beautiful POP for us. From the parade- moving everything to the canteen/parade square, I know it was frustrating and ugh. But when your POP comes, you'll understand how we felt on 1st June. And to the dinner, where you guys treated us like kings and queens. It was weird, cause Std 4s are always used to being treated as SKWs. And to the amazing POP Social Night opening ceremony where balloons rained down on all of us. It was executed, in my opinion, perfectly. Except maybe for crowd reaction, not really in your control but okay. And thanks for the SuperHero posters, Wonderwoman can stare at me with her word-face everyday now :)
Goodluck and jiayou with the corps :)




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Okay, I guess here goes.

I'm not very sure how to start off. I wanted to start off with Std 1 life but I realized that if I continue talking about every year of SJ in this post

1) It'll be descriptive, not analytical.
2) I'll start browsing through facebook for more pictures
3) I'll be bored after a while and stop posting


I remember in Std 1, whenever we did pumpings in school at Mount Sinai especially at the track and on the parade square, I was one of the only few who'd recover with bloody knees. I have the scars to prove them. And every single time after RT my mum would look at my knees and scold me. She'd scold me for being stupid and doing pumpings on the ground even though the previous week's scars hadn't even healed up yet. She would ask rhetorical questions like 'DO YOU WANT YOUR LEGS TO BE UGLY FOREVER?!' Then she'd launch into a 15 minute lecture of how she was gonna complain to SJ seniors on what torture they were putting me through. She even made me ask Ma'am Liwen if I could put knee guards to prevent scars. But Ma'am said I could if I felt alright for pang-sehing my squadmates. That shut her up.

I mean sure it was painful, like everytime I moved my knees more dirt would go in them and showering was a bitch to deal with. But now looking back, thank god I got those scars. It's because of them that wherever I go, people would ask me why the hell were my knees so damn ugly and I would reply 'SJ LAH!' Then inside I would smile and be so proud I had these ugly scars for life because at least I knew that these scars were when my squadmates were slogging it out on the parade square- wet or dry. At least these scars made me special, that hey, I was in SJ. I'm a cadet and every RT is like a mini war, and these are my badass battle scars.

But Std 1 was really the life. Staying back after every Friday and having a bunch of squadmates in air con classrooms and we'd be polishing our boots together. I remember 'de-shining' my boots because everyone else's boots weren't as shiny as mine and I didn't want to stand out. Stupid, haha. Up till today, Ji Qin and peter still laugh at me. Doing commando crawl for the first time and mentally cursing myself like 'what the hell is this shit I got myself into? I can't wait for RT to end', being so tired that even when we zao-geng we don't bother to pull down our shirts. And how we stood at the back of the corps and watched last and first parade, with Staff Candice emphasizing each and every RT that we were too lousy to participate yet. And when we finally did those simple 4 drills, it was like a moment to celebrate.

It's these kind of small things that made my Std 1 life in SJ really amazing and wonderful. Something which I wonder if the Std 1s after us ever felt.

I've been telling a lot of my squadmates that '以前 SJ 造人，现在人造 SJ.' Everytime I say that people will be like 'orh, okay'. But it really does mean something to me. I never think that I would be the kind of person who would roll her eyes when people who aren't my squadmates complain about lack of sleep/lack of food/too tired/no shower time- like in OBS. I know I'm still weaker than others, but I'm definitely stronger than I was before. I wouldn't ask for showerheads and beautiful gym toilets to bathe in for camps like JNCO and ALC anymore- because the primitive shower times are what contribute to the funny memories that my squadmates and I laugh at now that we're out of SJ. But now it's like SJ is accommodating to the comfortable lives- what's 5 minutes delay after RT gonna do? Or stripping in and out of our clothes in one toilet like hyper active horny rabbits every RT going to kill us?


The times I've had in SJ, are something that not everyone can go through.
Like the shame of repeating an unacceptable food cheer, or using buckets to pour water over ourselves and washing our hair and face in the sinks to accommodate more people, or the initial thrill we have when told '7 minutes to change out!' and when we chiong up like 3 flights of stairs then dying at the last two- and then in the end still not being able to meet the timing with instructors screaming at us outside and inside the toilet. Feeling scared before every RT because confirm after first parade the first thing that will happen is that we'll get screamed at by Sir Janson/Ma'am Glada/Ma'am Jade/Ma'am Glada/Sir Yeuk Ho, crawling at the hostel cause we keep dragging our feets- and me accidentally kicking soo yin's face. the feeling of flying when someone like eric pushes you forward during commando crawl. Or being super nervous when instructors are about to announce the next ICs, praying that it won't be you. I don't know, these are the memories that I hold closest to my heart.

Everyone says training is tough, but if you're an outsider- you'll never understand how it feels like. Especially with squad, that damn good feeling of muscle aches after every RT and the feeling of sudden relaxation after you've bought your bottled drinks at the uncle stall/aunty stall. Eating at the hostel with the same old people, taking photos of the half-chewed-up food in each other's mouths, going one level up to wait and fetch each other.


Then when POP 2010 ended and we started planning RTs and being split into SMC, it wasn't a very comfortable switch. Getting scolded behind the scenes, having super long debriefs and RT AOPs. Then it became something like passing on what our officers and instructors passed on to us- those lessons which were important and made an impact to us were chosen to be passed on. Like the forever standard reply to 'ARE YOU ALL TIRED?' It really was the most important lesson to me because it taught me not to give up and that when everyone replied the same thing, it feels comforting because everyone is going through the same thing. Feeling our boots crack against the floors when we walked around the squads we took inspecting their footdrill, and watching some people tense up when you walk nearer- finally this was what we looked like.

But Standard Fours 2011 intimidating? Yeah right lol, you should see us not in RT.

I was browsing through my SJ box and reading through all the notes seniors gave me. 'Remember to spread your highness and enthusiasm around!' or 'You're really quite quiet' and even 'Becoming instructor already... don't act how you act with your squad during RTs...!'. Out of all these quotes and sentences, I think the one Ma'am Jade wrote to us or maybe just me (probably to squad bah) struck the chord.


"Cause very soon your squad will the one marching out of the parade square!"


Damn straight.

Now everytime I think back to 1st june, I realize that I feel less unique. Because we're not a squad registered in SJ anymore. Because we'll never get to stomp around in our black boots and our cookies and cream uniform. I'll never be able to bring my uniform and boots into class and have people asking me 'SJ today?'. I'll never be able to scare my classmates with the clacking of boots during SJ day/UG day thinking that a teacher is approaching, never be able to run into class to get my bag during RT and have my stupid classmates wiggling their eye brows at me. And everytime I talk about SJ to people, I'll be talking about the unattainable past.

I'll never be able to fall in with the 28 people that I love so much. Now the only time we get to do footdrill together will be on video, the video of our final march past on 1st June.

I'll miss everything of SJ. But I don't regret a single thing. To the other people in school, we'll always be commented as 'the year 4s SJAB people are super bonded, see them together everywhere'. I want so bad to go back to Year 1, and go up to every single one of my then 32 strength squad and give everyone a big hug and say 'HI I'M VIVIEN AND I'LL BE YOUR SQUADMATE FOREVER.'

But I mean who does that? haha.


"Don't cry because it's over, smile cause it happened."






Squad I love each and everyone of you, even though I'm a super bitchy girl haha. No matter what I say to you, how many times I've cursed you behind your back, I'll always love you a lot more than I love any other Dunmanian. I'll always be here okay? I swear I won't fall out like I do during PT or whatever cause of how weak I am. I promise to each and everyone of you that I'll never EVER EVER forget you, and if I do, you can SMS me/email me a lengthy post or even shout a vulgarity at me.

Oh my god, I don't think I've loved a bunch of people like I love STD 4s 2011 before.

Love,
Vivien

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

HAVE FUN PLANNING/SUPERVISING/BOILINGUPTOAVERYHIGHBLOODPRESSURE FOR THOSE WHO ARE DOING SJ SVERYDAY FROM NOW!!!

HAVE FUN LEPAKING FOR THOSE WHO ARE NOT DOING SJ EVERYDAY FROM NOW!!!

HAVE FUN STUDYING! WHEEEE 11 MORE MONTHS TILL START OF A LEVELS! (haha i bet yall arer throwing mental tomatoes at me now)

BYEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!